During a recent re-release of Na Intiki Daredi, fans of Generic Hero A and Generic Hero B clashed violently. One person was injured, and doctors declared two others brain-dead. Amid this chaos, a man, whom fans of both heroes called an inconsiderate asshole, told them to stop being baanisalu (slaves) to film stars.
Fans who came to the theatre to celebrate the movie by wreaking havoc and whistling at the hero’s shirtless homoerotic scene were, unsurprisingly, upset.
“I thought this woke nonsense was something that stayed in the West. No fighting? No broken bones? No Name Calling? What is this world coming to? What’s happening to our culture?” said a concerned theatre-goer, Ramesh Babu, as he shoved his boot into a rival fan’s mouth.
The theatre staff at GTX Roads Theatre, KVIDP Pentayya, confirmed that the inconsiderate hooligan was removed from the premises for ruining the night for film-goers with help from some fans.
“We at GTX do not tolerate such uncultured behavior, which is why Mr. Suresh Medhavi is no longer welcome at our theatre. This theatre is like a temple, and these fans are bhakts. When they break a chair or a spine, they are offering it up for the boon that is the hero’s admiration. The heroes watch over them just as the god watches over his sheep. As a teacher watches over his student who wish to offer up his thumb. When they abuse someone’s sister, the hero will ask the heroine to reward them by appearing in their dreams. To hinder such great acts of prayer is a sin. A sin I witnessed with my own eyes.”
The story quickly became the talk of the town and we at Footnotes and Final Acts had the chance to interview 88-year-old Actor A whose fans were involved in the scuffle.
“So, Actor A, how do you feel about fans fighting in your name?”
Actor A licked his ice cream and playfully slapped the butt of his young wife.
“I don’t even know who I am,” he replied, calling his wife by his mistress's name.
Enraged by their hero’s apparent support, the fans vowed to hunt down every Actor B fan and are even setting their sights on Hollywood theatres.
Note: This post is satire and meant for entertainment purposes only.
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