In a groundbreaking report surprising absolutely no one—except maybe a few angry forum users—a team of researchers in social behavior has identified a strange psychological reflex: some men appear to care about male victims of abuse... but only immediately after a woman shares her trauma.
At first, researchers assumed this was a random coincidence. But after reviewing over 6 million social media comments and 600 hours of podcast footage, the data confirmed it: empathy in these cases appears to be reactionary, not proactive.
We spoke with lead analyst Dr. Emma Numb, who explained the pattern.
“It’s like a signal goes out. A woman shares something painful, and almost instantly, a subset of men—usually the ones with inspirational truck photos and sunglasses on their profiles—arrive to say ‘What about men?’ But they weren’t saying anything before.”
One male survivor, who asked not to be named, told us:
“The irony is wild. A friend of mine once laughed when I shared my experience, but then turned around and commented under a woman’s story, ‘Men suffer too!’ That was literally the first time he acknowledged male victims—when it wasn’t about us at all.”
A New Term Emerges
Psychologists have dubbed this phenomenon Reactive Male Empathy Syndrome (RMES): a condition where concern for male victims is only expressed in response to women’s issues being discussed.
Common triggers for RMES include phrases like:
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“One in three women experience–”
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“I believe marital assault should be–”
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“Women are paid–”
Observed reactions include:
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Bringing up male victimhood within 7 seconds of a woman’s story
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Quoting unverifiable statistics from a 3-hour YouTube monologue
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Expressing concern but never donating, sharing resources, or Googling help lines
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Using other men’s trauma as an argument tool rather than a concern
Expert Insight
Dr. Numb offered a simple treatment plan:
“Let people speak. Just listen. That’s it. You don’t have to agree. Just maybe don’t make someone else’s pain your debate starter.”
The Internet Responds
Not everyone is on board. One user known online as “@JusticeSeeker9000” replied to the report:
“If people just stopped whining, we’d have no issues. These stories are the real problem.”
Medical reviewers later confirmed that his post was a textbook case of Stage IV RMES, with possible signs of chronic keyboard inflammation.
Another commentator attempted to offer balance:
“I’m not saying I agree with everything. But we should respect all opinions—even if they seem like... yelling.”
No one was quite sure what she meant, but she later followed up with:
“So much for open-mindedness.”
Note: This article is satire and intended for commentary and entertainment. All names, syndromes, and quotes are fictional.
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