Experts Reveal Men Gain Sudden Empathy For Male Abuse Victims Whenever A Woman Shares Her Trauma

In a path-breaking discovery that surprises no one except red-pillars, researchers in performative empathy have unveiled a new study revealing a curious psychological phenomenon: men around the world seem to suddenly care about male victims of abuse—but only when a woman shares her trauma.

At first, experts considered this a mere coincidence. Could it really be that a woman’s pain was the trigger to unlocking men's long-buried concern for their fellow men? Turns out, yes. Yes, it is.

We spoke with lead researcher Emma Numb, who analyzed over 6 million social media comments, and 669 hours of content from basement-dwelling podcaster Ashton Copper.

“It’s like a Bat-Signal,” she explained. “Whenever a woman says, ‘I was ass**lted by a man,’ four or five men—whose profiles often feature a truck, a beard, and sunglasses—suddenly come from out of nowhere and shed digital tears for their fellow men.”

We also reached out to a male survivor who wishes to remain anonymous.

“It brings tears to my eyes,” he said. “Not because of the support, but because of the irony. My friend, who once told me I was ‘lucky’ for being mlested by a female teacher, recently replied to a female victim saying, ‘Men get rped too.’ That was the first time he ever acknowledged what happened to me.”

Psychologists have now officially named this condition Reactive Male Empathy Syndrome (RMES), a disorder characterized by selective compassion that only appears when women share their problems.

RMES is most commonly triggered by phrases such as:

• “One in three women get assa—”

• “Women should be paid minimum wa—”

• “I think marital r*pe is wron—”

How do they lash out?

• Bringing up male rpe victims within 7 seconds of hearing the word “rpe”

• Citing unverified statistics from a YouTube video somewhere

• Claiming to care deeply about male victims while not donating, volunteering, or even Googling a hotline

• Using another man's trauma as a hammer to smite a woman

According to Emma Numb, the only known treatment is simple and costs little to nothing:

“Let female victims talk. And try not to be a fing d*ck.”

Not everyone agrees, of course. A red-pilled Twitter user known only as @AlphaBigD*Justice3000**, also called “truth speaker,” who averages 500 tweets per day, responded:

“They never shut up, that’s the problem. If women just shut up, everything would go back to normal. No assalt, no rpe. They should know their place.”

Medical professionals later confirmed that @AlphaBigD***Justice3000’s post is a textbook case of fourth-stage RMES, with signs of terminal misogyny.

A YouTuber, @wokeslayer99, who is a self-described centrist, came to his defense, saying:

“I mean, I can understand a viewpoint that might be angry at what he says about women. But it’s not some obscene, uber-right-wing fascist. It’s just a man saying, ‘I’m a man and I feel I’m a man and I want to be able to say that I’m a man.’ And I understand where he’s coming from. Even though I’m not a man.”

Several have expressed confusion about what the f*** she’s talking about. Responding to their criticism, she said:

“So much for the tolerant left.”

Note: This post is satire and meant for entertainment purposes only.