Dentists Admit They Can’t Read Other Doctors’ Handwriting Either

Mankind has spent its entire existence trying to decipher three things: the purpose of Stonehenge, the Harappan script, and doctors’ handwriting. The third one is absurd, because a select group of people, who I suspect are also secretly controlling mankind, can read this script with ease. We call them pharmacists. Apart from them and the doctors, no one, not even the Lord Almighty or the millions of gods and goddesses, can make sense of it.

Recently another group of people entered the list. According to a new study done by Foursike Institute: Dentists themselves are just as baffled by the hieroglyphics scribbled by their medical colleagues.

“Mate, I got no bloody idea what it looks like,” confessed Dentist Amy, who’d been practicing dentistry for over a decade in Gotham. “When I copped a mozzie bite, I fair dinkum thought I was a goner, like that bottom, Alexander. So I rocked up to the doc and got meself a doc slip.”

This new revelation began a golden age of deciphering. Experts all over the world collected samples from various doctors to determine what they could mean. With the help of IT professionals, they created optical character recognition machines designed to scan and convert the incomprehensible into the comprehensible. They ran the scans, and remarkably, nearly 80 percent of them returned as either ‘Griffith did nothing wrong’ or ‘Watch full HD movies and TV shows.’

Prominent among those researchers was Dr. Lani von Pun, who brought with her years of experience deciphering the last pages of answer sheets. When asked about her findings, she shared some insignificant insight.

“I like to think of myself as a doc-maker. I don’t give them enough time and may even contribute to their hair turning grey prematurely, but I indirectly nudge them toward a noble profession. Today’s rushed handwriting belongs to tomorrow’s lifesaver. They should be a medal or something.”

Dr. Ryle Kinclaid, a leading cardiologist at Gravewell Heart and Brain Hospital, also chimed in with his two stents.

“Luk ’ere, man, I knows why they don’t understand, ya hear? These dentists *spits*… they thinks ’cause they wear a fancy coat, they jus’ like us. Now don’ git me wrong, I ain’t no careerist or nothin’, ma ’n pa didn’t raise me that way, but I’s met dentists, see, an’ every time they starts talkin’ ’bout oral hygiene, it jus’ makes my skin crawl. It ain’t right, I tells ya. It’s perverse, like… makes ’em look loose, morally speakin’.”

When confronted by a dental expert who went on at great lengths to explain why dentists are real doctors, Dr. Ryle simply said “Cavitymonger,” rolling the ‘r’ as if he were a Spanish speaker, triggering widespread protests on social media. We at Footnotes and Final Acts did a deeper research and learned that Dr. Ryle struggled a lot after.

“I had ta spend ’bout four hours lookin’ fer a new job after gettin’ cancelled. That’s worse’n my coworker, he done got fired fer, y’know, complimentin’ a whamen’s assets, an’ he done found him a job in ’bout two hours flat. Outrageous!”

Meanwhile, in response to widespread protests from dentists, the medical fraternity has promised a bold new initiative: teaching doctors’ handwriting to dental students. Critics argue this could add unnecessary years to an already lengthy education, but the fraternity insist that “knowing the difference between penicillin and pencil dick is worth it.”